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Welcome to Declassified, a weekly column trying on the lighter facet of politics.
So how did you spend Worldwide Plain Language Day?
Johannes Hahn, the European commissioner for finances and administration, on Wednesday helpfully tweeted to remind everybody of the existence of this most wonderful of days and even had an inventory of how to make your writing clearer.
A pair stand out: “Keep away from abbreviations” and “Don’t use jargon.” These are clearly each nice items of recommendation that I might give to any aspiring journalist (simply after “for God’s sake, nooooooo!” and “at all times put on wise sneakers”) however are a contact odd coming from the EU, which is constructed on jargon and abbreviations.
Plain writing recommendation is, frankly, a bit wealthy coming from an EU that thinks the European Council and the Council of the European Union ought to each exist whereas not being the identical factor!
It’s additionally the EU that gave us such gems as “non-paper” (something that’s not paper?); “MFF” (when your mother is your greatest pal?); “MiFID” (from the post-apocalyptic sci-fi novel The Day of the MiFIDs?); “trilogue” (a threesome?); “delegated acts” (see trilogue); “Coreper II” (inferior to Coreper I however a lot better than Coreper III: The Revenge?); “comitology” (the examine of comits?); “RescEU” (a chilly treatment?). I imply, I may go on and in some unspecified time in the future in all probability will.
At the very least of the massive concepts of late, the Convention on the Way forward for Europe has a reputation that’s comprehensible. It’s a convention (sort of) about the way forward for Europe. On the floor that is smart. And I’ve bought an concept that’ll knock their socks off!
So as to enhance citizen engagement and transparency, how about EU summits borrow sure parts from hit TV present “Squid Sport”!
For those who haven’t seen it, it’s a Korean dystopian drama through which marginalized individuals are pitted in opposition to each other in conventional kids’s video games. The winner will get a great deal of money, the loser will get killed. So a bit like post-Brexit Britain!
Clearly the “for those who lose, you get killed half” would sadly in all probability must go however you’ll be able to’t inform me that dressing EU leaders in matching tracksuits and getting them to compete in a sequence of playground video games wouldn’t ramp up curiosity within the decision-making course of. You would televise it, get in a glitzy host à la Eurovision, even usher in some big-money sponsors (Gazprom? The Chinese language authorities?).
Simply no matter you do, don’t name it the Council of something.
CAPTION COMPETITION
“What bait do I exploit? Novichok.”
Are you able to do higher? E-mail [email protected] or on Twitter @pdallisonesque
Final week we gave you this photograph:
Thanks for all of the entries. Right here’s one of the best from our postbag (there’s no prize aside from the present of laughter, which I feel we will all agree is much extra worthwhile than money or booze).
“Boris Johnson strapped to emergency bike that routinely rides off when he says one thing embarrassing,” by Guus Evers
Paul Dallison is POLITICO‘s slot information editor.
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